The sea is me.

I am now completely a bundle of nerves. Rather frustrating really. It means that I have an adequate excuse not to do work (I nearly bolted to shop for a guitar at the Rockshop several minutes ago). I don't need reasons not to do work, so I'll use this idiosyncratic blog to existentialize my frustrations, dispose of them (for publication on the net) and then move on to doing work.

Basically it boils down to the age old fear that the girl does not like me, or that I'm going to scare her off. There are two main grounds for these (hopefully) baseless allegations. Firstly, I'm worried that my student loan will scare her off. This is probably ridiculous as I don't think she is particularly shallow. This fear probably reflects my guilt over accumulating a large loan and not having done enough to control it. I am still young, however, and there are a number of means of paying it off (kidney anyone?).

Secondly, I'm worried that my people know her people and the odd joke may be represented as being actual fact. For the record, I am not stalking Mysterious Girl. I merely enjoy running into her and hope that we could do it on a more regular basis. But I know how idle talking can be misconstrued.

Thirdly, I'm just worried that I've misinterpreted everything and it is all going to end horribly. This fear plays on the basic insecurity inherent within the 'I like this girl' scenario. The worry is also that she will not be attracted to me. Of course, this fear will never fully resolve itself unless I ask her out (which I intend to do). I will then learn either if she does or if she does not.

I went to Sumner last night. The sea is very comforting. I've grown up around it and I find that it can reassure me in ways that I cannot, and occasionally in ways that those around me cannot. I'm at home around the sea. It is good and made me feel better. I can only really compare it to writing thoughts out. Once written they seem absurd (except, perhaps the attraction fear) and I feel almost embarrassed that I worried about some of them. But it is part of who I am and what I do.

Dave would not be Dave without overthought.