Back to unreality

There are only several days to go until Robert moves out of the flat. Several days ago I would have said that this was a good thing. Now I'm not so sure. The problem isn't so much with Robert - it is with the remarkable similarities between Michele, our new flatmate (not the slapper), and Claire (the lovely redhead). In particular, I'd like to draw your attention to two main aspects of this unholy relationship.

1) The Porn Couch.
Several years ago I bought a fantastically groovy, 1970s style yellow couch. It isn't the best with which to recover from a hangover (Ben - use Claire's), but it looks cool so thus is good. Now the funky yellowness, which contrasted rather nicely with our lime green walls and red curtains, is gone - replaced by a shiny leopard skin cover - complete with porn/leopard skin cushions. I'm not a prude or anything like that. In fact, I strongly support the concept of action. Any action, really. The point is - it's a porn couch! taste has flown out the window, and, not surprisingly, Claire loves it. As does Michele, which is good I guess because she is the one that put it there in the first place. I get the feeling it is staying, partly because I meekly succumbed like the weak lamb that I am.

2) Queer Eye.
The most horrendous program to have emerged from the marketing department since Oprah began talking about her weight. For some reason women love bitchy men who tear us straight, and inevitably clueless, men to shreds (I will now have a 3,000 word essay from Ben and Emma on the use of stereotypical gender and sexuality in the media, and the causes thereof). Man has become emasculated. And women have become delighted. I couldn't believe the way that Michele and Claire clucked as they watched the Queer Eye special the other night (I was absorbed in pizza). They clucked! I thought very old women did that when they were gossiping about so-and-so being such a nice young man, and wouldn't he be a good match with so and so. No! Women cluck when watching Queer Eye. And Yvette, I have on good authority, also clucks! If anyone needs me I'll be curled up in the corner of my room for a while.

And in other news... several of us have decided to form our own website. That is Dave Miller, Mike, Matt the gardener and I - all from history - are going to develop a fantastic website based on columns from us and others, build up a strong support base and give ourselves fancy names like 'Marketing Director', 'Human Resource Consultant' and 'Janitor' so that we can then add them to our CV and get pretty sweet jobs in Europe. And get Website groupies. The ultimate plan is to onsell it to some faceless and soul-less corporate giant for a large packet and then retire to the mountains to live with more groupies.

I don't think I've thought this out very well.