Radio Play

Hamish: Where'd Dave go?
Dave Miller: He's over the top
Hamish: Bloody hell. Why'd he do that?
DM: The boy got cabin fever. Too many hours in the trench watching us have mocachinos.
Hamish: But he could get hit now.
DM: Yeah. And he's got no gun. No paint to shoot.
Hamish: I find your phallic imagery strangely sensual and attractive. I'll sit here and look confused.
DM: Who's your Daddy?
Hamish: She's out there.
DM: Your Daddy's a girl?
Hamish: No, not yet. I was talking about the siren. The mermaid. The imagined reality of a confused mind.
DM: She's probably armed and dangerous.
Hamish: Damn straight. State of the art paintball machinery. That machinery could seriously harm his nipple.
DM: Again.
Hamish: Should we do anything?
DM: We can't. He put himself out there. No Man's Land.
Hamish: But Dave's out there. That could suggest masculinity and ownership Are you meaning to imply he's no longer masculine?
DM: What do you mean 'no longer?'
Hamish: Fair enough. What's going to happen now?
DM: Don't know. He'll find out one way or another. He can't do anything now, and all we can do is point and laugh in a supportive yet masculine way.
Hamish: There's a fine line between courage and stupidity.
DM: Yet both require balls.
Hamish: A little too ironic. And I really do think.
DM: What's that? I think I heard something.
Hamish: Like ten thousand....
DM: Sshhh. He's trying to say something.
Hamish: That's not Dave. That's the ghost of romance past.
DM: Huh?
Hamish: Why do you think we're cowering in the trenches?
DM: 'cos we're not daft.
Hamish: No Man's Land threatens us due to it's neutral gender-ity. We don't own it, and in today's masculine climate that threatens our primedal sense of balance and fairplay.
DM: Do the women own it?
Hamish: Sort of. They tend to control it without owning it due to the fact that it is normally men who have to put themselves on the line. Occasionally women do, but despite calls for equality of treatment, women still expect men be chivalrous and gentlemanly and put ourselves on the line.
DM: That is a bit rough and not at all equal.
Hamish. Quite right. Rah rah. I wonder what Emma and Ben thinks of all this.
DM: I'm sure they have an opinion.
Hamish: And what's more, they can express it in the comments box below.
DM: Let's have another mocachino and check out those first years.
Hamish: Splendid.