Breaking News

There have been confirmed reports that the reality-separatist movement known as TBALC have stormed and captured the island of Lanai, a small but strategically important island in the Hawaii group. Analysts say that from Lanai the TBALC armed wing could attack the islands of Maui, Mokalai or even the capital, Honolulu.

Little is known about TBALC or its aims. Spokesman for the political wing of the group, Ben Allen has stated that a pre-emptive strike on Hawaii was necessary for the survival of TBALC. Hawaii, he stated, had recently been stockpiling nuclear and biological weapons for use against TBALC and its various associates.

"Unless we attack Hawaii," Mr Allen stated, "Then TBALC runs the risk of having Hawaii attack it. We cannot, as peace loving people, allow this to happen. Peace can only be guaranteed by eliminating the biological and nuclear risk that Hawaii poses."

According to most experts, Hawaii does not pose much of a threat to anyone. When we tried to contact Mr Allen to substantiate his allegations he could not be reached due to his girlfriend being tired.

Hans Blix, former UN weapons inspector, would not comment on camera today, but off camera he could not stop laughing.

President George W. Bush commented on the invasion of foreign troops earlier this evening. "Earlier today, I was informed, that, an dangerous and terrorist organization attacked the United States of America in a violent, dangerous manner. This unprovoked attack is in violation of international law. It is in violation of our law. We are a peaceful people. We do not want war brought to our shores. Make no mistake about it, we will hunt these criminals down and bring them to a fair and open military tribunal which will accord them with every respect of our law. And when I talk about international law, I'm talking about the law that the international community - countries like Japan and Canada, Britain, Australia and, and Africa - hold dear and want us to protect - and these countries want us to - what I mean to say is, is we will hunt the criminal down."

France has stated that it will do nothing. It might, however, veto any action the United States brings to the security council.

It is understood that to date there have been no casualties in a remarkably bloodless invasion. Local civilians have been permitted to return to their homes to carry out their business. "We have nothing against the civilians", local commander Tim Street stated in an exclusive interview earlier today. "What we have a problem with is the man. Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and the day after the day after tomorrow will see us sticking it to the man." Mr Street would not elaborate who The Man is, and experts are divided as to who exactly The Man could be.

TBALC has classified captured soldiers and policemen to be 'enemy combatants'. Colin Powell, when asked to comment, muttered something about that bloody Donald Rumsfeld.

For news as it comes to hand.

ps thesis is clearly coming along nicely.