This is not a gossip column

Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with gossip, but I do want to emphasise that this is not some form of electronic tabloid. It is instead a sophisticated column on whatever I want to talk about. Sophisticated. Not gossip.

Apology here to Hayley who thinks that I quoted her out of context/made up something and attributed to her. I think she's wrong, but sorry anyway. People in this department never quote out of context or make things up.

We're trying to get rid of Robert. Or to be more explicit, I have to tell him to bugger off. He is seriously terrible. Not only does he have a similar I.Q. to that of a slowly melting ice cube, but he sucks the fun out of the flat. I'm not really looking forward to the conversation and I would prefer it if Claire had done it/was here to support me. But I have to do it anyhow. How can you do this? It feels like I'm breaking up with him - and I've never broken up with a guy before. Do I tell him I'm seeing other flatmates? That it's not him, it's me? That we're looking for different things in life, or that we've drifted apart? Some people have suggested that I play music really loud, or have lots of loud promiscuous sex outside his door. Valid suggestions, but I'm afraid he'll then take it upon himself to save my soul from the pagan hell I'm certain to wind up in.

Ended up not going out to play golf. Worked instead. Have to play a round later instead.

Also - check out the latest gadget they're selling in the United States. It helps detect dirty bombs! And gives you much needed peace of mind.

Quite.