Bush declares war on ladders, oral sex

There are more people that die each year as a result of falling off a ladder and onto something painful than there are people who die as a result of terror. Of course, I'm speaking about the white man. When you factor in the UN related sanctions against Iraq and Libya then I'm sure things take a different slant. I'm not trying to suggest that falling off a ladder is not a terrifying way to go. It is, I'm sure of it. Especially if you are afraid of heights, in which case you should get down off that ladder. We have yet to see the war on ladders. Which is a pity because the war on the English language and common decency was going so nicely. Perhaps the ladders are part of some sort of gardening terrorist plot to kill us all as we paint our houses, prune our trees or try and see over our neighbor's nearest fence. Bastards. I knew that would get me in the end.

Also, scientists with way to much friggen time on their hands have discovered a link between, wait for it, oral sex and cancer. Man that blows. However, don't change your sexual antics based on a bunch of seedy scientists who want to suck all the fun out of our lives. Fortunately you are more at risk if you smoke or drink. The intention of that was that the alcohol and nicotine/evil smoking chemicals are bad for you. I read it, however, as suggesting that those who smoke and drink have more chance of having a good time. Both right.

And don't you love a New Scientist article entitled 'Oral sex linked to mouth cancer'. Mouth Cancer? Surely there is a more scientific name than mouth cancer.

Don't worry. Soon they'll be an article linking masturbation with hand cancer or RSI. Or sex with death.

Repent now.