I'm a thief

Not because I stole the stars to put in your eyes, but because the School of Arts had their opening ceremony today underneath the Masters window. Now I'm no prude or someone who would say no to stealing something from someone who owes me (and they do, the bastards). So I invited myself down to the corporate section of their rather corporate tent and allowed myself to be swayed by the pleas of those who wanted to get me wine and food. Did I mention that it was free wine and free food? Perhaps I should. It was free wine and free food. Bonzai. Stayed their for about an hour, listening to Liam on the Sax crank out some decent jazz and rubbing shoulders with the I'm-not-rich and the I'm-not famous. I think I managed to acquire the contents of approximately one bottle of rather lovely Selaks Sauv Blank. Which was disposed of in the traditional manner of into the mouth and down the gullet. So was a glass of rather delic Chilean red wine which may or may not have cost a packet at the liquor store. And then there was the food... yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I then made my way up to the pub and Tim, Dave, Amanda and Dan who were hard at work downing their coke's and the worlds most annoying man, ever. I'm not using hyperbole for dramatic effect folks, I'm using it literally. The man was the worst, most obnoxious and annoying engineer to have ever mooched of the face of this planet. Unfortunately, when I was half way through a pint of beer, those scoundrels took to the hills at left me floundering with only annoying-boy and Ben for company. I really do have to emphasize that Ben did not leave me alone with this Satan of emptiness and I do owe him a dept of gratitude. Rodney does not, however, and is coming for him soon.

Everyone has now gone from the pub and I have about an hour before I can show myself there again without getting molested by people I don't know or people I don't want to know. And there is only one way to kill time.

If Dave was left in front of a computer for an hour, what could he come up with? If a million monkeys typing for a million years could come up with Henry V, surely Dave could and would come up with something equally patriotic yet strangely attractive and literally brilliant?

No.

I am a simple man with simple country values. I like fine wine, fine winging, and I suppose I could get around to some fine lovin' at some stage (if I could remember what it was like). Unfortunately Shakespeare was not just a simple country lad, but a simple country lad with talent and sex appeal. How else could you explain the fact that he married someone ten years older than his 18 year old self? Perhaps she was really desperate, and so was he. Scholars haven't raised that issue before. But then again we must consult the legend of Richard III. One night a lady, who had been particularly enamored by Richard Burbage, who played all the best roles. She left him a note to tell him to arrive at a particular apartment and a particular time. When Burbage arrived he knocked on the door and a servant answered. The servant was told who was coming a-calling. The servant the gave Burbage a note which read something along the lines of 'William the conqueror came before Richard III'.

Wily old fox.

I could, of course, go into some detail as to the scope and depression those of us still loyal to te McLaren brand of F1 are going through at the moment. Bloody Ferrari's. Red certainly does seem to go faster and the preliminary data from the Friday practice at Sepang suggests that it is going to be a repeat of Melbourne(Schumi was 2 seconds faster than Raikkonen on 1st practice, although that doesn't necessarily mean much - Raikkonnen did less than half the number of laps as Schumi - although you'd have to with a merc engine). Bah. But if I keep at this no doubt Claire will laugh and remind everyone that although I love F1, I still giggle whenever a girl wearing short shorts attempts to do car related stuff. Even if it is Claire.

There is Sarah and Emma's party on Saturday night. Apparently we are supposed to get dressed up for this. Something beginning with an E, an M, an M or and A - the theme is clearly Emma. I suppose this works as it was her birthday recently. I'm not really sure what to go as, as I'm rather lazy and can't be assed hiring out a parrot suit. Perhaps I'll go as an Agent, or a Mad Man, or an Erudite Mad Man Angrily. Ahh, the Erud. And Tim is expecting me to get drunk on lolly water (of which there is a keg) with him. I'm sorry, Tim, I still go through the motions of having testosterone. rah rah and all that.

Not that testosterone is at all necessary in this day and age of women taking over the world and Tony Blair being an idiotic idiot with less common sense than a one-armed lobster in a crayfish pot. I'm not sure whether I want to schmak him, hit him over the head with a lobster pot or laugh at how dogmatically he answers any question to do with the war in Iraq with 'The world is a safer place without Saddam Hussein'. Yes, Tony, Saddam was an evil s-o-b. But it does not necessarily go that Saddam's departure and imprisonment in violation of the Geneva conventions is going to go anywhere toward ensuring that the threat that terrorism against the west is reduced and eliminated. Iraq could never be held up as an example of capitalist occupation, of American colonisalism, of cruel, ruthless and inept murder (most foul). That would never anger young, impressionable men whose only purpose in life is either to get laid or get blown up trying.

Alcohol still coursing through the system. Despite the fact I spent 10 minutes playing yeti style games there is still half an hour to go before I have to supervise kids singing at the tops of their lungs, out of any semblance of tune or key. Such is life. Maybe some of them will be attractive.

To the pursuit of our hopeless task!