Who says I'm wasting time?

I did not make these up. I don't know who did. Importantly, I did not alter any of the descriptions to make people happy, sad, or envious of my rather accurate description. You know it's bollocks but that won't stop you laughing. Occasionally. Hey, don't shoot the messanger, man. Men first. Then come the women.


MEN'S NAMES
Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, has the potential to be stalked.
Adrian - small todger, probably gay.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute but a liar and a cheater.
Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule.
Andrew -usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arnold - loser.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Ashley - wanker who's losing his hair.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl's bottoms and is well hung.
Ben - kind hearted, will do anything for the one he loves.
Bert - looks like he has been pulled a hedge backwards and chews with his mouth open.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad - thinks everyone likes him...but they don't.
Brandon - good looking but uses girls.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - a wanna be charmer, he's not the Messiah he's just a very, very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - Australian, like Bruce.
Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.
Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christopher - soppy and too clingy to make a relationship last. spends most of his life drunk and kisses like a washing machine.
Christian - very sexy and seductive, full of his self.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.
Clive - very sweet and adores girls, but prefers to watch.
Cole - nice, funny, and fun to be around.
Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig - the lights on but no ones at home.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - sweetest guy in the world,soft and gentle but good in bed! hes a keeper!!!!!!
Darren - charming, but sleeps with men.
Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates.
David - hottie and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence. Can be gay!
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don - dickhead.
Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew - bad-arse loser who never shuts up.
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - horny bastard, who can't sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get 'cos he's an arsehole.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - shy.
Ewan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.
Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.
Fred - sucks pig's dicks & swallows the lot.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary - dreams about mud wrestling girls. drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves, treats girls like shit also a wanker.
Graeme - very hard to understand, likes group sex.
Graham - will screw anything.
Grant - HORNY! But so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Harry – has back hair.
Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Hathem - smooth, but manipulative, not to bet trusted around young girls.
Hayden - tries hard.
Henry - has gay like movements frequently. likes to run every where. would screw welli boots.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him... yeah right!
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Jack - stupid but hot, always alright.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - scum of the earth.
James - built like a horse. likes to bite while kissing.
Jason - big headed. never fails to grab the girls attention, full of bullshit.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel - arse.
John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jon - countless two timer and bully.
Jonathon - loud, sex mad and great with it - can be full of himself.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Junior - hottie and totally good at football.
Justin - aggravating but loveable, insecure but successful.
Judith - Eats a lot, likes to feel superior.
Kain - the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up.
Kane - an absolute and compleat arsehole.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Kurt - can kick anyone's arse.
Kyle - hornball who eats too many corn chips.
Lance - Plays with his penis cos no one else will.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurie - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.
Luke - seems to be sweet. bit of a tosser though.
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Marc - an idiot, who can't spell. would do anything for sex.
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks, mouthy bastard.
Matt - likes drink and is full of shit.
Mathew - has less brains than a donkey does in one of it's hoofs. thinks constantly about porn.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl.
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mike - shag muffin.
Mohammed - small penis.
Morgan - the only thing that is big is his ego.
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - nice -can't get past the missionary position though.
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - loser.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.
Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long, long time ago.
Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big.
Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki - the fucking greatest in the world, everyone loves this guy... no faults at all.
Rob - constantly watches porn.
Ron - spends most of his time looking at the base of his spine, when his head is up his own arse.
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves, which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan - tall with sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Scott - has serious disabilities. also takes it up the butt.
Sean - has small testicles and no friends.
Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane - not very nice, lies to pick faults (changed now)
Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Says he is the man but talks bollocks.
Spencer - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster.
Steve - popular and funny & hung like a donkey.
Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Ted - hairy, sensitive and a great shag.
Teddy - great friend, crap boyfriend. clowns have been known to look more stylish.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - extremely arrogant.
Tommy - no-one can have brains and looks. he is FYNE! but there isnt much behind it.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around, prefers getting done up the arse
Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy - cute and popular.
Taylor - happy, laughing hyena.
Warren - cool, homosexual guy.
Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate.
Will - wishes he were popular.
William - tall, dark and handsom. ie when it's dark, he is handsom and tall.
Zach - sweet and polite and adorable.
Zack - thinks he is superman. great in bed due to ego.
Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.

WOMEN'S NAMES
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen - big tall woman who talks shite all day.
Aimee - Likes to strut her stuff, though theres not much 2 do so. Likes to play with cheese.
Aimz - Like italian breakfast bread rolls. hollow on the inside. would die to screw a lamar.
Aisha - laughs like a demented dog, likes tic-tacs.
Alexandra - Smart kick ass chic.
Alison – bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - IQ tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good shag though.
Amberley – queen of ice, no friends with a nasty mean streak. More than likely a lesbian but nice teeth.
Amy - devious, likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Aimz - limited intelligence.
Andrea - small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, hairstyle more important than oxygen. Hangs around toilets.
Anna - has eyes bigger than her stomach. but her waistline shows it.
Annabelle - doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - she's BIG.
Anne - looks like a horse, can't drive.
Anouska - shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Beatie - she would rather jump out of a plane with out a parashoot than having to pick up a spider.
Belinda - pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - repressed alcoholic.
Betty - makes simple tasks seem like brain surgery.
Beverley - trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - ginger.
Bridgette - eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Carol - into everything you've only ever read about. Coin-operated.
Caroline - into threesomes. Likes doggy style. Always up for it.
Carla - pretty but more mouth and flirting than action in the bedroom.
Carly- the sexiest bitch in the world!!!!!!
Casey – painful lay, naïve but with a sense of humour, possibly once a man.
Catherine - attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire – thinks she is perfect in every way and a completly sex mad
Celine - emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - enjoys tea and cake a lot , can sing the national anthem with her bum.
Cheryl - can fit hand in mouth, eats glass. Has many ways with the boys - slapper
Christina - hasn't got much of a life due to being a boring person. likes cammels.
Christine - likes men in uniform, never warm.
Claudia - highly annoying. finds it hard to keep friends.
Daisy - virgin.
Danni - should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - bites the pillow, uses both hands.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - sits on cat's eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - rides sidesaddle, drinks meths.
Eleanor - centre of attention when she walks into a room,not always for the good. has the gift of gab.
Elizabeth - born to perform, hates chickens.
Ellie - far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Emily - wears odd socks but that doesn't mean shes not cute!
Emma - gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - she'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts
Fiona - female mud wrestler, gives head.
Frances - gives oral for a one pence peice. but loves to sow.
Frankie - would make it as a farmer. people say she needs to shower more.
Gail - farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gaynor - lesbian.
Gem - like an arm chair. comfotable, loved, odd.
Gemma - practically perfect in everyway. Loved by everyone. Good listener and friend.
Geraldine - too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - eats children, hates smoking.
Georgia - wants to be a man.
Grace - blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Harriet - has a brain somewhere, will prob end up living on pizza.
Hayley - lives on dads beers, is lazy bitch.
Heather - shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - loves sleeping and alcohol and is work shy.
Heidi - the hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - frigid bitch. Thinks money grows on trees.
Holly - prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Ina - drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Jackie - heroin addict, sold her child.
Janet - soft, warm and really cuddly. Good shag.
Jane - enjoys wanking men (or women).
Jasmine - smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jerrica - a bitch thinks she's good
Jessica - virgin, always will be.
Joanne - moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up!
Jodie - absolutely perfect in every way, every group of friends should have one!
Jo - would make a good exotic dancer. men love her.
Judith - big eyes, big tits.
Judy - huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes.
Justine- massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - too smart for her own good and is insensitive to others.
Katie - big feet, shags men over 50.
Kate - talks complete bollocks all the time, scavenger.
Katherine - is a follower. doomed to be successful but not compleatly happy.would fight for a tea cosy.
Keeley – big mouth, big heart, and big tits
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing and loves her self.
Kerry - perfect in every way and a complete sex goddess.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke and wears a wig.
Kirsty - eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - can't sing but who cares.
Lana - hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - likes Max power magazine, can't drive and lies.
Lauren - pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - perfect in every way - a complete ugly goddess in the dog world.
Lindsay - likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn and spiting.
Livvy - pink, prim and perfect. people find this annoying.
Liz - good looking, definately one to shag.
Lorraine - constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies.
Louisa - sensible head on her shoulders. collects socks.
Louise - real babe, bright too, I'd drink her bath water.
Lucy - strange dancer, wants to marry her dad. theif.
Madeline - drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - bangs like a barn door.
Marie - life's slapper. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - no get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marilyn - eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - ugly lesbian.
Martine - can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mary - gets hurt easily.
Meg - cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Megan - loves nature, cares more for trees than people. radical and gets things done.
Melanie - can hold two bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha - big butt, small brain.
Monica - doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - white hair, remembers manners.
Natalie - eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - could use a face lift but is a sweet loyal friend
Nell - hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - slapper, alcoholic in denial in every way.
Nicole - girls hate her, men use her and dump her.
Nikki - loved up, eats cucumbers.
Nina - stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Nisha - hs a deep interest in the YMCA. falls in love easily.
Olga - you can park a bike in her arsecrack, excessive facial hair.
Olivia - neutron bomb.
Pamela - gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - forest forager, likes wild boar.
Paula - transvestite merchant banker from Basildon well she pretends to be
Penelope - pit stop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Penny - burps like a man, lives in dungerees and gets told to shut up alot.
Phillippa - butt ugly lesbian.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her
arsecheeks.
Rebecca - hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rhia - alcoholic, goes after mingers.
Rosie - can be prickly, good head-giver.
Rula - she measures up well.
Sacha - believes carrots make you see in the dark, likes crotcheless knickers & malteasers.
Sadie - stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - loves her brother, has four deformed children.
Sandra - shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sarah - hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Selina - doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Sharon - shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shelley-the best in the world no complaints from any one
Shirley - can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Sonya - dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a carrier.
Sophie - brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey - likes crotchless jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue - totally gorgeous!
Tanya - hot minx, too short.
Tara - upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tiffany - annoying and clingy. but makes up for it by being damn fit.
Tash - lives about 10 seconds behind everyone in the world but makes up for it with her tits
Tina - face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy -. lesbian.
Tracey - easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens
Ursula - likes puppies, in curry.
Vic - Likes to go commando. dreams of futures with lots of leather and men in thongs.
Victoria - too smart for her own good and is insensitive to others.
Vicky- likes Yoga and Men.Perfect in everyway. known to be very loud.
Vikki - wears too much lipstick to taste food. runs after dumbarsed guys who don’t like her.
Wendy - possibly a man.
Zara - face like an elephant's backside. cant see her toes from breast enhancements.
Zoe - talentless rock chick.