Mercedes

I'm not talking about that computer animated slapper in GTA Vice City, but rather the engine manufacturing slapper that does not know how to make engines. As a result McLaren have as much chance of challenging Ferrari, Williams and *sob* BAR this year as I have of scoring.

Look at Kimi Raikkonen's comments after Friday's second practice.

Kimi Raikkonen, McLaren (9th, 1m 16.798s):
"Everything was going according to plan until the end of the second session when I felt something was wrong with the car. The team told me to stop immediately and switch everything off which I did and parked the car on the outside of turn three. However, we did manage to get through our tyre evaluation programme and I'm reasonable happy with the car."

This is ridiculous. I'm assuming that if he didn't stop and switch everything off his engine would have exploded. Why? Well, that usually happens at least once each weekend for McLaren these days. And if a team has to replace an engine they have to start down the back of the grid. Which means we don't really know how well the cars could do if they were racing properly. I doubt they'd be able to take on Ferrari, BAR or Williams, but they might be able to tackle Renault. Actually, that's what Coulthard did at San Marino last fortnight and had to get his nose replaced - hmmm. McLaren suck.

In other news - see Van Heising . It is good and has some absolutely classic lines which I won't repeat here. Far, far better than Starsky and Hutch (despite the fact that it doesn't have Owen Wilson). But it does have Kate Beckinsale. And Hugh Jackman if you prefer men.