They want ME to pay?

I thought I might have a look at entering the US green card lottery. I am eligible - being educated and all. It would make traveling and working there much easier, and I wouldn't have to put up with those nasty security checks they put out for the undesirables. What can I say? I have shifty eyes.

Make way, coming through, I'm a citizen.

Well, no. I'm not and I'm not going to enter the lottery. Why? Because you have to pay to enter. For some bizarre reason my mind chose to ignore that 'lottery' usually means some form of extortion.

I find it almost offensive that they want me to pay for the chance to get a green card. So I'm going to set up a new system. Countries pay for me to get a green card, and I reward them with me. It'll be awesome. Everyone wins. I get money and access - they get me.

Due to my policy of adopting other people's achievements as my own, I've certainly lived a long and prosperous life. Not only have I conquered Everest, ruled Checkoslovakia with and iron fist, walked on the moon and been assassinated by an angry angry actor, I'm also widely respected as Eros, the Greek God of Love. And I'm not even 23! Who wouldn't want that sort of model citizen?

Speaking of the Greeks - they are awesome. They based mathematical formula (as we do today) around the concept of pi. I think it is fantastic that a complex mathematical concept (unless you're in the Southern US where they want to make pi 3 so it's easier to multiply) around a tasty and nutritious food group.

My god do I need a life.