Ohh dear

Tim is currently trying to guess my second name. I'm trying not to distract him. Now singing 'I'm going slightly mad'. The man is a musical.

I have not yet managed to lose my standard two habit of insulting the girls I'm attracted to. For example, it might not be the best idea to call someone 'mutie', or make the call 'Quiet, mute girl' when they are sick, in pain and cannot talk, no matter how funny it may be. I am thus a munter. At least I'm a funny munter.

McLaren's new car looks worse than the old car. Damn the tires - damn them!

When we last left our superhero TBALC soldiers they were regrouping after a successful attack on Hawaii. I'm please to report that latest communications from the group have reported the capture of the Island of Maui and the initial stages of a report on Honolulu. Diplomatically there is mixed news. GB2 has marshaled an alliance of nations to counter the 'terrorist threat' of TBALC. The 'Coalition of the Willing Mach 2' consist of the USA, Great Britain, Australia, the Philippines, South Korea and Don Brash, although he may change his mind according to the polls. On the other hand, TBALC has secured recognition from the French and German governments and has established an embassy through Hamish who is currently hungover somewhere in Prague (I think). Si, Charlie, Charlina and Dan have successfully over-run Buckingham Palace and Si Young is poised to crown himself as king and lord of the realm. And Wisconsin has ceded from the USA and has joined Canada in support of TBALC. We're not really sure why.

Breaking News

There have been confirmed reports that the reality-separatist movement known as TBALC have stormed and captured the island of Lanai, a small but strategically important island in the Hawaii group. Analysts say that from Lanai the TBALC armed wing could attack the islands of Maui, Mokalai or even the capital, Honolulu.

Little is known about TBALC or its aims. Spokesman for the political wing of the group, Ben Allen has stated that a pre-emptive strike on Hawaii was necessary for the survival of TBALC. Hawaii, he stated, had recently been stockpiling nuclear and biological weapons for use against TBALC and its various associates.

"Unless we attack Hawaii," Mr Allen stated, "Then TBALC runs the risk of having Hawaii attack it. We cannot, as peace loving people, allow this to happen. Peace can only be guaranteed by eliminating the biological and nuclear risk that Hawaii poses."

According to most experts, Hawaii does not pose much of a threat to anyone. When we tried to contact Mr Allen to substantiate his allegations he could not be reached due to his girlfriend being tired.

Hans Blix, former UN weapons inspector, would not comment on camera today, but off camera he could not stop laughing.

President George W. Bush commented on the invasion of foreign troops earlier this evening. "Earlier today, I was informed, that, an dangerous and terrorist organization attacked the United States of America in a violent, dangerous manner. This unprovoked attack is in violation of international law. It is in violation of our law. We are a peaceful people. We do not want war brought to our shores. Make no mistake about it, we will hunt these criminals down and bring them to a fair and open military tribunal which will accord them with every respect of our law. And when I talk about international law, I'm talking about the law that the international community - countries like Japan and Canada, Britain, Australia and, and Africa - hold dear and want us to protect - and these countries want us to - what I mean to say is, is we will hunt the criminal down."

France has stated that it will do nothing. It might, however, veto any action the United States brings to the security council.

It is understood that to date there have been no casualties in a remarkably bloodless invasion. Local civilians have been permitted to return to their homes to carry out their business. "We have nothing against the civilians", local commander Tim Street stated in an exclusive interview earlier today. "What we have a problem with is the man. Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and the day after the day after tomorrow will see us sticking it to the man." Mr Street would not elaborate who The Man is, and experts are divided as to who exactly The Man could be.

TBALC has classified captured soldiers and policemen to be 'enemy combatants'. Colin Powell, when asked to comment, muttered something about that bloody Donald Rumsfeld.

For news as it comes to hand.

ps thesis is clearly coming along nicely.

Devastating Dave

I am almost proud to admit that I defy several laws of nature. These are, in no particular order:

Thou must conform to social norms. Such as sleeping patterns. Bollocks, I say. Bollocks. I said it again. Sleeping patterns are for pansies. Real men, like Spike, Angel and myself, don't need the social constraints of norms such as 'daylight'.

Murphy's Law. Not to be mistaken with having 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. That's neither ironic nor Murphaic. What would be ironic would be being in a knife store, needing a knife and there not being a knife. Regardless, I have defied Murphy's law of embarrassing things going wrong at inopportune moments and replaced it with Dave's law. Which is amusing things going wrong most of the time. Such as the bus story or the pirate story - which wasn't so funny at the time but the drugs make everything funny and colourful.

The law of using the first person when blogging. Dave don't recognize no law. Dave is the law. *ergo self recognition is something of a problem*

As can be seen in my 1980s turntabling bling bling days. Respect the threads.

I walk with the dead

My sleeping patterns now officially suck, and I am therefore changing my name to that Vampire with attitude - Spike. Not that we're really that similar. He's undead, I'm unliving. He's platinum blond, I'm brown. He scored Buffy, I didn't. Apart from that....

Claire and I saw The Punisher last night. It had lots of bang. Am consistently surprised that someone as intelligent as Claire is attracted to plots with little or no intellectual pizzaz. It did, however, have Thomas Jane half naked for about half the movie and I think that might have something to do with it. Officially, he does nothing for me.

Mclaren still suck, although less than they previously did - having both finished the Indy GP and are now ahead of Sauber with 17 points - only 19 points behind Williams who have not finished a GP for 2 races. Ralph crashed spectacularly and am surprised he can still move. Big bang. And Minardi won a point. Awesome. You will note, Tim, that the big canary team that is Jordan did not score a point.

I'm off to stalk the living.

Argh, no, don't do it son!

Mercedes look like they are going to buy out Mclaren.

Sadly, that would mean I could no longer support the team.

Which is probably good for my long term mental health.

Ohhh, bugger

Since I've started this wretchard exercise (re: blogging) I've written 39,323 words in blog. Which is the equivalent to a Masters thesis. I'd like to point out that I have written more than that on my real thesis. But I haven't finished my thesis. This taunts me at night/day/whatever time zone I happen to be inhabiting at said time of taunting like food I purchased from a vending machine that refuses to drop from the shelf and instead hangs in mid air, suspended by a piece of plastic I may or may not want to destroy but am powerless to do so if I so desire because of plastic/glass that separates us, and the norms that society has placed on my fragile alpha-male identity.

Who thought I could babble in a blog? Don't answer that.

Incidentally, Corey is mad.

Apparently Richie McCaw's psychometric tests were better after the knock to the head he suffered last Saturday than they were when he took them while injury free.

Conclusion: rugby makes you smart.

I'm happy and angry.

Who knew?

Andy Kaufman is back from the dead and blogging. I would have thought a television appearance on Letterman or Leno or even Springer would have been appropriate. But he has the right photo, so it couldn't possibly be anyone else.

Sleep deprivation is a lot like being drunk - at least, that's the excuse I'm sticking to. I can give up any time I want.

Chch is the 107th most expensive city in the world. Wellington and Auckland are, surprise surprise, more expensive. The problem with this study is that it uses US$100 and then compares what you can buy in New York for US$100 with other cities. A lot of it has to do with the exchange rate, I'm thinking.

Mclaren got points. I would like to thank Renault, Williams and Toyota for either breaking down or being disqualified and allowing this confusing event to occur. To put it in perspective - even both Jordan's scored points. Tim likes them because they are yellow. And that sums them up, really.

I got nothing.

I taste like burning

There are numerous things wrong with this world. I can't help feeling that my sleeping patterns are one of them. This is not said through some arrogant, self centered approach to the world which deems my sleeping patterns to be more important than the lives of countless Iraqis or Sudanese. It is said through the arrogant and self centered approach to my life. Sleeping patterns can help determine my approach to day to day (night to night) activities which in turn influence how I see and approach the world. In an attempt to shock myself back into something resembling a sleeping pattern, I was here bright and early this morning. Still here, although I did cheat with a nap on my office floor. Work, of course, is completely out of the question as I struggle to recognize the difference between the door and the wall so trying to figure out complex social theory would be out the window (pun intended).

The end result is I think I'm resembling a dangerously out of control Masters student unable to tell the difference between right and wrong, answerable to no man and only the right (wrong) kind of woman. The road is a terrible mistress. This is a terrible metaphor.

The court case over the Pledge of Allegiance was predictable resolved due to the father not really being the father. This is lame.

Five justices -- led by Justice John Paul Stevens -- said Michael Newdow, the father, did not have the legal standing to bring the case. Newdow, who is involved in a custody dispute with the mother of their third-grade daughter, could not speak for the girl, the court ruled.

The minority decision said that constitutionally there was no problem with freedom of speech and called Newdow (the Dad/not-Dad) a 'heckler'. Hmmm. Ashcroft likes this ruling.

But in good news, Fi has her own blog. Feminism everywhere rejoices and the chances of her ever cooking me some eggs is diminished greatly. Do not confuse her blog with this site or this catalogue.

Imagine being a Kennedy

It'd be terrible, really. I mean, good looks, good looking broads, millions of dollars and a life above the law doesn't necessarily equate to happiness, now, does it?

Ben has a lot of harassment coming his way. Up and down the country, world even - if you can be up and down the world - members of Ben affiliated groups are rubbing their hands together and cackling wildly with a)genuine happiness and b)sweet sweet revenge on their minds. There may or may not be a good post coming soon from somebody who may or may not be Nic who may or may not have been on the receiving end of Ben-wrath in the past. But that's merely speculation.

All Black vs England turned out to be very good indeed. Watching the game was improved sitting near Sarah and Emma who appeared to feel every tackle and testicle grabbing moment of the game.

And on that note, the SGC had a close fought game on the weekend, going down in the last few minutes. Grr. I managed/tried to stop 3 fights during the course of the game. I'm a lover, not a fighter. As evidenced by the fact that I had 8 men lie on me at once. Which is probably around 640 kilograms of man vs Dave. Dave lost.

As, no doubt, will Mclaren.

On pies, good and bad

Stumbling home (or, more accurately my crashing point of Vertigo) late last night after escorting Emily (not Caygill who seems to have gone to ground) home I hid the press I'd borrowed from some rich looking people - it is what Che would do - and entered Shell to fill my belly with pie goodness. I was surprisingly drunk due to the benevolence of Mr Grouse and Ben's little voice popped into my head. Buying the most expensive pie I could find ($3.20) I retrieved my borrowed goods and discovered to my drunken horror that it was a bad pie - even given my condition. So expensive pies do not deserve the credit Ben accords them. I take the blame for following his advice.

Ben - have you adequately thought through your claim that 'Everyone should have girlfriends, even girls'? What if Karen was to get a girlfriend? Or is that part of a deceptive master plan....

Bad pies include those which include your offspring. Thanks Bill. And thanks to James T who has offered to eat my children and rid me of child support. Awesome. He is returning and wants to be satiated. I say we satiate his alcoholic lustings with alcohol and parties a-plenty. Late July, people. Heads up.

Just don't trust his pies.

Foetus

I went to the finals of the Law school mooting contest tonight to support a couple of mates who were in it. It was excellent and I now have four names of people I'm willing to have represent me when I go down with the Revolution. Both mates won a trophy and a trip to Australia so that's pretty cool. Even cool enough to make me wish that I'd stuck with law. That feeling passed.

The issues that were raised in the moot were pretty interesting and I think they warrant discussion.

1) Is a foetus part of the mother, or a separate legal entity? The case was based on a foetus who had died after 26 weeks due to the negligence of the doctor, so we don't have to examine the ethical problems of stem cell research etc. After 26 weeks a baby can survive without the mother (hooked up, I imagine, to a machine). It is still attached to the mother with living tissue, although the genetic makeup of the foetus is significantly different to that of the mother.

This issue is significant because of statutory law. If a doctor harms or kills a foetus through negligence, but the mother is physically unharmed - can the mother get compensation through the ACC legislation for personal injury? In the theoretical moot the mother did not want this as there were other avenues which were blocked if the foetus was deemed to be part of her legal person. I'm not going to swing either way, but it's worth thinking about.

2) If a doctor is struck of the register for negligence, should he be liable for punitive damages? I was convinced by the arguments put forward that he should be liable until I heard the arguments against - which involved a lot of law speak I've subsequently forgotten. The general gist of what was said was that in common law it is only possible for punitive damages to be awarded on top of disciplinary action when there is an astounding difference in what is fair and reasonable. In this case the Dr whose negligence caused the miscarriage was struck of the register, blocking his future medical and academic employment. It was held, and I found myself agreeing with this, that this was enough. May not be fair to the woman in that she did not get punitive costs, but the law is never about fairness.

Despite 6 hours of seminars and pub action, I still managed to crank out 1,000+ words so I'm not too shabby. And I'll leave you with an amusing exchange of words between Montoya and Button before Sundays Canadian GP. (go mclaren *feeble*).

The following exchange took place between Juan Pablo Montoya (BMW WilliamsF1 Team, 2000 Indianapolis 500 winner) and Jenson Button (Lucky Strike BAR Honda) when they were asked the question [what would you want to be if you weren't a F1 driver?)at a press conference.

Juan Pablo Montoya: "I don't know. Probably an architect. My father used to be an architect. So when I was a kid, I wanted to be an architect."

Jenson Button: "I'll be a second-hand car salesman, then."

Montoya: "Be washing cars or something."

Button: "Exactly."

Moderator: "Is that what you want to do?"

Button: "No, that's what my old man was. No, it would have to be something pretty crazy, I think. I don't know what."

Montoya: "Stunt driver or something."

Button: "Fighter pilot."

Montoya: "Yeah, that would be cool."

Spaced out

Went with Tim to seminar by one of the astronauts who did not get killed in the Columbia incident last year. He was still up on the space station at the time. Have to say, it was pretty awesome. I'm talking about the talk, not the space shuttle crash. I got to see videos of him eating tea with chopsticks. Which just goes to show that given the right circumstances, anything edible can be made easier with chopsticks. He was the ultimate geek-nerd which was quite refreshing. A lot of things were cool because they'd be in our textbooks. Don't know whether the convection rates of a soldering iron in a 200-micron thick slice of water (seems you can do anything in space) came up in any of my lectures, but I was there incognito.

I can do incognito. I fact, I can be rather stealthy. Those that saw my actions as a ninja would disagree and I think most people would acknowledge that I am the world's least skilled ninja. My poor ninja skills do not necessarily mean I am un-stealthy. I can creep up on people without trying and I'm pretty sure I'm going to give one of my flatmates a heart attack. Not, you understand, that I'm trying to.

Speaking of incognito, Reagan died. CNN has run an article showing how this will help Bush.
'The first two factors [Iraq resolution + more jobs] alone probably would have helped to stabilize President Bush's poll numbers. But as June turns into July, expect Bush to benefit significantly from a third and unpredicted factor -- President Reagan's remembrance.'

'Unpredicted?' I think not. But apparently it might swing Reagan democrats to vote for someone else who is not aware of what is going on around him.

Cuba is apparently drilling for more oil in the Gulf of Mexico. At the moment it drills about 600,000 barrels each day. If it strikes oil in the Gulf, this alone could go up to 1.2 million barrels - significantly more than some Arab countries. BBC World suggested (I can't find the story on the web) that this could help ease tensions between Cuba and the U.S. I'd suggest that Castro keep and eye out for those dodgy, stealthy types. And American soldiers.

This blog is currently experiencing technical glitches

Caused, of course, by the fact that I am slowly losing my mind. Well, not so slowly anymore. For the life of Brian I seem incapable of doing anything at a reasonable hour, except play rugby and get injured. Who needs a shoulder anyway? If your life is ever dependent on me getting to uni by, say 9AM, then your life is pretty safe. If, however, I need to get to uni by 9AM to save the life of my thesis then I am well an truly screwed.

And sadly, due to years of Presbyterian upbringing and the occasional minister's daughter, I've learnt that if you are late to school, uni, work or life then you are lazy, lazy, lazy. Grrrr.

Fortunately I have not made the leap from mind-losing sleep deprivation and excess to full out madness. Unlike Corey, who seems to have a perverse fantasy of me in a blond wig singing Barbara Streisand songs. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times - not gonna happen.

But I have recognized the dangerous signs and I had Queens Birthday off. Aside from rugby and some DVD action I stayed pretty much at home playing Star Wars Jedi Academy (I owned that force) on XBOX and watching with a turgid mass of nerves the BBC reports on the death of Reagan. (Next stop, Bin Laden?) Had a lot of sleep and was feeling pretty good until I got to uni earlier today and ran into an old mate I hadn't seen in a while who told me off for obviously not taking care of myself. Grrrr.

On the plus side at least the thesis is showing promise and is getting the important people excited.

And Ben is happy and that is good.

Thesis

It is starting to drive me a little crazy. All the signs are there. Beady eyes, a shifty disposition and I'm being even more obnoxious than usual without attempting to be so. And I'm always exhausted. While I'm still blaming that mostly on the bizarre growth spurt I'm going through (1 inch in 6 months, people), that excuse sounds to weird to believe - despite it's advantage of being based somewhere in fact.

However, despite the doom and gloom, there are still reasons to smile or laugh.

James C has a 'long-term positioning strategy'. This means he is changing blogs.

Tim will be a fascist when the revolution comes.

I will probably sleep through it.

James T still exists, although his capacity to blog has been diminished since Prague. Am worried that he thinks Wellington is the 'Ultimate' frontier.

Ben has something that we all know but can't share yet still all know.

I finally understand what the 'yawning boy' saga was all about.

Charlie has a girlfriend. Her name is Holly and she is lovely. Although Dan has yet to confirm this because he has been touring the seedier Eastern European hotels.

Denny's + Ben + Si + USA = trouble with border security.

My career as a prop/No. 8 for the Strowan Gentleman's Club has so far resulted in two sprained thumbs in less than two weeks. Same thumb. Just discovered I've also managed to cut my eyelid. Awesome. This is funny, not 'ouch' *please suspend grammatical belief when reading my site*.

U.S. elections.

Soma is going to live in Japan, near the port of... Soma.

Will Hung.

The UN is actually the 'godless harlot Babylon' and we now know why Democracy is bad.

In conclusion, Fi and Charlie need to get a blog and blog.

I ripped this blog off Si

When I grow up I'm going to go here so that I can remember what it is to be a kid again. Nice photo, Si, especially with that plane.

I am no fan of American Idol. 'nuf said. I also doubt I'd be a fan of this show. In American Idol the joke tends to be on the audience. Fair enough. If you are daft enough to watch then I'm not going to spend my time praying for your cultural soul. It is dead to me. In WB's Superstar USA they go through the audition process and weed out the good people and keep only the truly awful and deluded. The worst one wins - getting a record contract and $100,000 they'll probably need for therapy.

Also, big ups to the latest Simpsons episode which mocked Star Wars. I laughed and laughed and texted Ben to make sure he was laughing also. I'm taking his lack of response as meaning that he was busy watching while curled up in the corner. I mean, what could Ben possibly be up to at the moment that he isn't necessarily comfortable blogging about?

HARDthink

Late last night (there has got to be a decent song in there somewhere) I was watching Tim Sebastian interviewing Philip Giraldi. Giraldi used to be a Counter Terrorism agent with the CIA between '76 and '92. The interview was fantastic, sadly the BBC does not produce transcripts of the interview and interviews are not repeated.

Most of Giraldi's arguments are reproduced in this article printed in the American Conservative.

I'll try not to misrepresent what was said during the interview, but the basic points, and points I found interesting, were:
1)Despite the billions of dollars spent on the war on terror, there have been few actual gains. Indeed, now that terrorist cells are acting on smaller, more localized systems it is becoming harder and harder for counter terrorist agents to track and close down terrorist cells. The result is/may be that the world is a more dangerous place because of this.
2)The Bush Administration has been exceedingly hostile toward Syria. Some Neocons are seriously considering intervention in Syria, although the logistics of this make this scenario unlikely. Syria has provided a large quantity of accurate intelligence and are actually trying to help the United States. This has not been taken into account and it appears that the 'You're either for us or against us' doesn't necessarily apply in this case.
3)No-one in the Bush Administration has been punished since September 11 2001. Bush isn't interested in accountability.
4)There is a tension in the pentagon between those in the military and the civilians over what needs to be, and what can be, done. Interestingly, I got the impression the civilians were more hawkish.
5)The war in Iraq has detracted from the war on terror, despite the two being linked by the Administration.
6)The UN had the most accurate intelligence regarding Iraq. Everything they stated has since come to pass. The US intelligence (or manipulation thereof) was wrong on almost every count.

Not all of the points were that surprising, however it was nice to hear them from a conservative US ex-counter-terrorism expert. He isn't very popular in Washington, but states that there is a lot of unease in intelligence and military circles over what is happening.

Torshin is in a far better position to comment on the legitimacy of the above - esp re Syria.

In other news, this site is so bad I could laugh - albeit painfully. Apparently, the UN is evil and is out to destroy your individual rights (to destroy the environment...). My personal 'favourite', however, has to be this 'article'.

"The UN's International Kangaroo Court
America's court system - the most fair, free and transparent in all the world - isn't perfect. But that doesn't mean its power should be usurped by jurists 8,000 miles away who are not elected, selected or directed by anyone responsible to American voters."

I don't think I can do that comment justice.

Something I didn't expect from CNN

Would be for them to publish a list of the 924 combat deaths in Iraq, complete with name, photo, age, hometown, unit, and details of their death. But they have. You can see it here and I'd recommend going there. I know it's cliched, but there are so many kids being killed. 18 or 19 seems absurdly young, and when you see those photos of boys who don't need to shave.... War is bloody bloody.

And they published the number of wounded - I quote 'There have been at least 4,682 U.S. troops wounded in action, according to the Pentagon.' Given the high number of amputees due to RPG attacks, that is a huge number of disabled servicemen.

Given that CNN, a conservative media outlet, is publishing this I'm beginning to agree with Torshin's argument on the outcome of the election. Nothing sways public opinion more than looking at the faces of those that died for a lie.

Nice work, CNN.